passions and soapboxes

You may have noticed I haven’t posted in a while. I don’t know what it is but I can’t seem to think of anything interesting to write about. It’s a hard time of year for me anyway, but I had hoped this year would be easier. You see 10 years ago my Mom died. We took her to the hospital on Christmas Eve and spent Christmas morning waiting for her to get out of surgery. She would be unresponsive for the next 10 days and I would have to make the agonizing decision to let her go. I would never get to say goodbye. I use to love Christmas and enjoyed everything about it, but since her death I am just not into it. I try and pretend for my family but I feel empty, no Christmas spirit. For example I brought a tree home and it is still not decorated. It just sits there with no lights or ornaments, no presents underneath, a sad picture of Christmas. Christmas Day will come and I will cook a great meal. The kids and grand-kids will come over and we will all count our blessings. There will be love and holiday cheer and a whole lot of eggnog. I will smile and pretend that I feel it, but inside I feel sad and lonely in way I can’t explain. How much time needs to pass before I feel a spark of Noel again, I do miss it.

This year has been particularly hard because of financial issues caused by the writers and actors strikes 2 years ago as well as the economy. I don’t think anyone realizes just how hard the entertainment industry suffered because of those strikes. The writers and actors and directors all benefited but the rest of us did not. We all lost benefits and many even lost their homes. We at least kept our house and we were lucky to have savings to live on, of course we can’t retire now.  I decided to go back to work so I could help out, but found I am not qualified to do anything, not even child care. Oh the irony of that. I think most people are having similar problems for various reasons so I shouldn’t gripe. But it’s hard to find the Merry when your worrying about how to pay the electric bill or you can’t find work. I want to end this post on a positive note so I am going to ask you to count your blessings, at least three of them. Post them on your blog or in a comment. Maybe it will make us all feel better.

These are mine:

1. A new grandchild on the way

I’m still working on the other 2.